sum things on my mind

i know its only been 2 days since my last post and writting too often turns your readers away but i really wanted to talk about these topics.

im still not a member of any church. should i be? i want to be. but is it worth it? i wanna be a part of a church. yes i go to a church already siccc but im not a member. not being a member lets me get out of church clean up tho =P hahaha anyway i wanna be a member of the church but is it worth it to be a member maybe just for a year? i mite be leaving next year after i graduate if i find a job. hopefully its a job near here but can i really be commited (omg my spelling sucks) to a church if i cant be there every sunday or friday. ive been going there for like 2 years now i think. maybe its time, i dont know

after seeing kevin's piktures from guatamala last year it inspired me to maybe do a missions trip. ive never really had the will to do it cuz im not very good with new people especially if we cant speak the same language. but after seeing how much he got from it and the emotions and how relationships grew, it made me want to experience it. i want to experience helping needie people, put a smile on their faces, cry because of sorrow (i think thats the word). even this year how the team had fund raising and such showed how they grew on each other and got closer already, i want that. maybe next year...maybe but i dont wanna go alone

i live in the middle of no where as most of u know. no friends here (well i do but dont wanna hang out with them), no activities to do, no city to go to, no buses to take you places, subways, everything is by car. im jealous of the people in staten island to be honest. they get to be so close to everyone in the church. everyone is close enough to hang out with. they go to the city and hang out. everytime i here that "oh we hung out here or there or the city with these people" it brings me down because i live so far away and am not able to be with my friends. they go out and have fun while i stay at home wishing i could do something fun. i cant just decide, oh i think ill go hang out too, cuz i would have to make an hour drive just to do so. sure i have a fairly big house, a nice car, video games and such, but i would rather live close to friends like they do. everything so close and accesible while i stay at home trying to find something to do by myself. i want what they have.

leigh anne I love you. after 21 years of you being around your finally leaving. we really are growing up and you are moving on with your life. i truly am gunna miss you. i wont have a gurl to talk to about girls and get advice from you anymore. (unless i just call you...) but not having you around is going to be weird. your sneezing will be missed dearly. you wont be there for me to compare my height to anymore. we wont be able to go to the mall together, more importantly u can go to ralphs with me anymore. i should just lock you in your room and throw the key away so u dont leave us. but you do have a life to move onto. you've always been there for me to talk to about my feelings and secrets and girls and such. i will truly epicly miss you and i know a lot of other people will too. dang where am i gunna find sumone to play piano and sing with me for worship now? as much as i hate that your leaving, i love you and i hope you have a great life in the windy city. just dont ever forget where you came from and dont ever forget us over here (i know you wont, how could u? we are just too kool over here) ive never had a best friend leave me b4, well becuz theres only been you and kevin, but your the best and ill come visit or sumthing, and u must visit us over here too. its hard to put into words how i feel about you leaving since its 4:35 in the morning and because all the thoughts r just zooming by because theres so much...but just know this, i will never forget you, you will always be my best friend, and i will always love you. please take care of yourself out there, or i mite have to fly over and save you haha. oh and one last thing...does this mean i can have your room now???

-Pol